


Shell

by GalahadWilder



Series: Kagami Has Two Hands [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Autistic Kagami Tsurugi, Chat Blanc - Freeform, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Post Miracle Queen, parental neglect, tomoe tsurugi's a+ parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22591309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalahadWilder/pseuds/GalahadWilder
Summary: Kagami's gotten what she wanted—she's now dating both Adrien AND Marinette, and they're happy together. But the revelation that her significant others are Ladybug and Chat Noir rocks her world, and theirs, leaving a number of questions about their future that still need to be answered.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Adrigaminette - Relationship, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi
Series: Kagami Has Two Hands [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1530458
Comments: 61
Kudos: 480





	Shell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Callmedale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callmedale/gifts).



Kagami spends most of lunch quiet. Ladybug and Chat Noir have some catching up to do, after all—she’s still processing everything. She has both of them, and both of them have her, but she feels like she’s intruding on something sacred, something she’s not part of yet, something that hasn’t quite expanded to include her. Besides, she’s been practically floating off the ground since the kiss; she’s never been… she’s not…  _ allowed _ to be this happy. It’s actually kind of unsettling, distressing. She feels light, like she’s going to float away into the atmosphere at any moment. It’s freeing and terrifying, all at once.

The entire conversation, Adrien is staring at Marinette like the sun rising over the mountains in Osaka. It’s a familiar feeling, what she can see coming off Adrien; she’s been feeling it about him since they met, about Marinette since that day with the orange juice. She’d be worried, jealous, but for Adrien’s hand in hers, soft and warm, and for Marinette’s shy glances, the other girl’s eyes full of stars. The lightness in Kagami’s chest expands with every breath, every sideways glance, and her fingers wrap under the seat of her chair, digging into the surface; if she lets go, she’ll float away, carried off into the sky.

Distracted as she is, she doesn’t notice at first. But she’s learned to pay attention to the way her muscles move, tense and relax, even if she has trouble reading other people’s faces or body language, and every second she spends here, her shoulder blades are shifting closer and closer together, tighter and tighter. It’s… uncomfortable. Something’s wrong.

Is she an intruder here? Despite everything, this isn’t just about Adrien and Marinette anymore. This is about  _ Ladybug _ and  _ Chat Noir _ , and their relationship with each other will always be more important than either of their relationships with her. Does she need to duck out? Does—does she need to leave them?

She doesn’t want to. She loves them both—she loves them both  _ so much _ . She doesn’t want to lose either of them, no matter what masks they wear, and—

Then suddenly Adrien is looking to Kagami for help, his face raw, confused, and pleading, and—wait a second.  _ Kagami _ isn’t the one who’s uncomfortable.

She zones back in, taking in the table, to find Marinette is picking at her food, quiet. All of the animation behind her face has gone dead, waxy; there’s nothing  _ Ladybug _ behind her eyes at all. It’s a face Kagami hasn’t seen on her girlfriend (girlfriend!) since that day they’d met on the bridge, where they’d both expected the other to hate them.

She doesn’t know what Marinette’s thinking. There’s no way to. But she does know, thanks to Alya, how to calm her down.

Before Kagami can do anything, Adrien reaches out, touches Marinette’s hand, and she shrieks, practically bouncing away from him.

Adrien withdraws his hand. “My Lady?” he says, his voice gentle. “Is something wrong?”

Marinette stares at them, her eyes blown wide, and suddenly Kagami realizes—she’s  _ shaking _ .

“Ohime?” she murmurs. “Hey. Look at me.”

Marinette does, fragile as a mouse, and Kagami tries to put as much reassurance as she can into her gaze. “Don’t look at anyone else,” she says. “Look at me.” The situation isn’t  _ exactly _ the same, so she’s not sure how well Alya’s method will work—but mercifully, it does, as Mari’s breathing slows, her shaking begins to subside.

Kagami glances at Adrien, then reaches out, taking Marinette’s hand. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she says, softly.

Marinette swallows, her eyes falling to the ground, and her free hand clutches at her elbow. “I’m,” she croaks, retreating into herself. “I’m waiting for Bunnyx.”

Kagami blinks, confused. That is not at all the answer she was expecting—she doesn’t even know what it means.

“Oh—oh  _ shit _ ,” Adrien breathes, his voice stumbling, and Kagami realizes that whatever this Bunnyx is, it must be something very bad indeed as Adrien scrabbles for Marinette’s hand. “Princess, you—she’s not coming, okay? We didn’t mess up. Everything’s okay. We’re—”

“You don’t know that,” Marinette whispers, staring down at the table, tears streaking down her face. She lifts her head, meets Adrien’s eyes, and Kagami feels her veins freeze at the desolation in her girlfriend’s eyes. “Why do you think I erased my name from the beret?” she croaks. “Our love destroyed the world.”

*

There isn’t time left in lunch for Marinette to explain—not if she wants to compose herself before class, to not let on that anything is wrong, to keep hiding her identity. Adrien is panicking too, so Kagami is the only one level-headed enough to suggest: if anyone asks, Marinette is still broken up about Luka.

“ _ Who is Bunnyx? _ ” Kagami whispers to Adrien as they help Marinette back to class.

“ _ One of us, _ ” he responds, indicating his ring. “ _ A good one. _ ”

Kagami isn’t sure how she can be good if the mere  _ thought _ of her brings out this reaction in her Marihime. But Adrien doesn’t have time to explain before he and Marinette have to get back to class, and Kagami shuffles off to Monsiuer Cantrell’s history lecture.

It’s always sort of difficult for Kagami to pay attention in class, no matter how much energy she expends on focusing. It’s never mattered, though—her brain has always been fast enough to catch up with whatever she’s missed. But right now all that speed is running in her head like a loose flywheel, thinking, thinking,  _ thinking _ .

She can’t escape the feeling that she’s done something wrong. That Marinette’s breakdown is somehow Kagami’s punishment, for how she’s treated Luka. Aho, Kagami no baka, she’d been so selfish, thinking only of what  _ she _ wanted, greedy enough to want two? Why couldn’t she be satisfied with what she had? Adrien is wonderful. She could have just been friends with Marinette, and everything would have been… would have been fine. There are a hundred considerations that she’s only now realizing haven’t crossed her mind—oh,  _ Kami _ , Kagami realizes, gasping, what happens if her mother finds out she has two lovers? Or worse, Adrien’s father? And hadn’t Ladybug stressed, over and over, that she and Chat  _ couldn’t _ know each other’s identities, that it was dangerous, and hadn’t Kagami been the one to—the one to…

She doesn’t realize she’s biting through her lip until blood bursts onto her tongue.

She jolts in her seat as salty copper explodes in her mouth, the pen that she didn’t even notice she was spinning launching itself out of her fingers, flinging itself backwards into Jean-Luc’s forehead. She slaps her hand over her mouth, gagging, trying to keep the blood in, but it’s too much—desperate, she presses her tie to her lips, spitting blood into silk.

“ _ Kagami _ ?” Wilhelm whispers, shocked. “Are you okay?”

Kagami looks up, sees the concern in her deskmate’s eyes, and is about to nod when she realizes: Monsieur Cantrell has stopped speaking. The entire class is looking at her.

“Madamoiselle Tsurugi?” Cantrell says.

Her ears grow hot. “ _ Haha ni denwa shinaide! _ ” she yelps, throwing herself backwards in her seat and trying to hide her face, before she realizes she’s lapsed into Japanese. She groans inwardly, staring at Monsieur Cantrell’s shoes, avoiding the eyes of her classmates. ( _ Don’t look at anyone else, _ Alya’s voice says.  _ Look at me _ .) “Please…” Kagami repeats, in French this time, “do not call my mother.”

Wordlessly, Wilhelm offers her a handkerchief, and she gratefully accepts it with only a minimal flash of embarrassment, silently pressing it to her lips.

Cantrell’s expression softens. “Of course not, Tsurugi-san,” he says. He gently slots the chalk down at the bottom of the board and hands her a box of tissues. “Would you like to go to the nurse?”

Kagami nods, Wilhelm’s handkerchief still pressed over her lips. Gently, she peels it away. “I’m sorry for ruining your handkerchief,” she says, handing it back to him.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Feel better?”

She takes the tissue box and nods. “I will try.”

*

The nurse’s office is dark, which is a little bit unusual. There’s a person-sized lump occupying the cot, shrouded in a heavy blanket, and the nurse urges Kagami to be quiet as he takes a look inside her mouth.

“That model from Caline’s class brought her in about ten minutes ago,” Monsieur Havard murmurs, shining a penlight into Kagami’s mouth. “She was having a panic episode, needed somewhere dark and quiet to calm down.”

Oh. The lump is Marinette. That explains… a great deal.

“Do you frequently chew on your lips when you’re stressed?” Havard says. “There’s a lot of scar tissue inside your cheeks.”

Kagami blinks. “Is that not normal?”

“Not to this degree, no,” he says, flicking off the penlight and placing it back in his shirt pocket. “When do you find yourself doing it most often?”

Kagami opens her mouth to tell him that she has no idea, but suddenly she realizes that’s not true. “When I…” She swallows. “When I think about… my mother.”

Havard’s face tightens. “Ah,” he says.

Behind him, the blanket bundle that is Marinette shifts, drawing a little closer in on itself. Shifting into what Kagami is certain is a fetal position. She hears a small whimper.

“I am all right, Marichan,” Kagami says, straightening her back. “There is no need to worry about me.”

Havard raises an eyebrow.

Marinette says nothing for a moment. “…worry about everybody,” she grumbles.

Havard sighs. “Madamoiselle Tsurugi,” he says, “I recommend you take some time to rest as well.” He hands her a cotton ball and waves his hand, indicating the other—empty—cot. “Put this in your mouth and think about things that relax you.”

Kagami swallows. She doesn’t really…  _ do _ relaxing. “I—okay,” she says, climbing into the cot.

“I’ll leave you two be,” Havard says. “Get some rest.” He opens the door, quietly, and leaves the room, retreating to his main office.

The two girls lie together in the darkness, separated by less than a meter of space, for a few moments, letting the silence wash over them—until it’s broken by the sound of Marinette sniffling.

Kagami’s heart squeezes at the sound. Marinette—Ladybug—deserves better than to deal with this panic alone. She needs physical contact, she needs someone to hold her; Kagami has seen enough of how she interacts with Alya and Luka to know that cuddling is the best way to calm her down.

Kagami crawls out of her cot, kneels down next to the other one. “Marinette?” she says, stroking her girlfriend’s hair. “Would you like me to join you?”

“Yes please.”

Kagami takes a breath. Everything in her tells her to keep her distance, not to touch, but she fights that instinct and climbs into the cot, wrapping her arms around a shaking Marinette, holding her tight. “You will be all right,” she murmurs, suppressing a shiver. “I’m here.”

The shaking slows, then finally, finally, stops. Marinette breathes in. “I—thank you,” she says, rubbing her thumb against the back of Kagami’s hand.

“Of course,” Kagami says, pressing a kiss ot the back of Marinette’s neck. “Are you all right?

Marinette shivers at the press of Kagami’s lips, then sighs. “I—yeah,” she says. “I just—I saw Alix, and just… broke down.”

Kagami’s heart jolts. “Kubdel?” she says, holding Marinette just a little tighter, protective. “Did she hurt you?”

“What?” Marinette says, twisting her head to look at Kagami. “I—oh, no. No, she—it’s not her fault.” She shakes her head, gently, trying to avoid batting her girlfriend’s face with her pigtails. “I…” She sighs. “It’s about Adrien.” She turns her head. “You know that beret? The one from his Brazilian fan club?”

*

Kagami listens with increasing horror as Marinette tells her about Chat Blanc. She’s extraordinarily aware of the cotton in her mouth as her teeth tear against it, gnashing toward the insides of her cheeks, as she hears about the hole in the moon, the ash statues of Ladybug and Hawkmoth, the drowned city, the lonely white cat…

_ “Our love destroyed the world.” _

Kagami clutches Marinette’s wrists. “Marinette-sama,” she says. “We will  _ not _ let anything happen to him. Understand?

Marinette nods, whimpering. “I just—what if—what if I—”

“What if nothing,” Kagami says, grabbing Marinette’s chin and turning her face to meet her eyes. “We have no idea what happened the first time, so for all we know, it’s already been averted.” She shrugs. “And if it hasn’t? Waiting for Bunnyx won’t fix anything.”

Marinette bites her lip, her eyes shining.

“You should let yourself be happy,” Kagami says, caressing Marinette’s cheek.

“I…” Marinette closes her eyes. “Okay,” she murmurs, leaning forward.

Her lips taste like sugar, cinnamon, and cherry chapstick, and Kagami almost forgets to breathe.

*

Kagami’s “group project” excuse has started stretching believability, so she’s not really planning on spending any time with Adrien tonight (unless he wants to sneak through her window in a cat costume—Mm, she would  _ not _ be opposed to that; the leather, the ears, the  _ shrink-wrapped muscles _ …). She’s not much of one for public displays of affection, either; the thought of kissing him, or Marinette, in front of all of their friends and classmates sort of makes her skin crawl in a way that private kisses don’t. So she doesn’t do more than wave to Marinette and Adrien with a tight smile as she walks out the school door to where she’ll wait for her mother’s car to come pick her up.

She walks carefully off to the side, standing next to the steps where she’s not in anybody’s way and nobody will try to initiate a conversation. She has had a very long, very stressful day, and she’s not sure how long she can keep making the effort to appear normal; she needs to save  _ some _ energy for being able to treat her mother with the proper respect. She stands there, fingering the strap of her backpack ( _ Kagami, stop that, compose yourself, _ her mother’s voice tells her) and waiting for the black town car to arrive, when something big and orange and tacky enters her peripheral vision, and Kagami groans internally. Oh, wonderful. The girl who got her Akumatized.

“Hi, Kagami!” Rossi says with all the cheer of your eighth piece of candy past the point where the sugar has started turning to sores in your mouth. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” Kagami grunts, looking away from her, down the street. Rossi doesn’t deserve any of her energy, any of her politeness. She can deal with one-syllable answers.

“That’s good,” Rossi says, throwing her arm around Kagami’s shoulder.

Kagami tenses, her eyes narrowing. Her instincts are warring with themselves: one half of her is frozen, petrified, while the other half wants to rip Rossi’s arm from its socket and toss it across the courtyard.

“Hey, I’m, uh, sorry to have to tell you this,” Rossi murmurs, her breath hot and scratchy and  _ wrong _ in Kagami’s ear, “but… I saw Marinette getting  _ real _ cuddly with Adrien today.”

Kagami’s eyes slide sideways as she suppresses a shiver, taking in Rossi’s ridiculous bangs. “…And?”

Lila blinks, clearly confused about something, though Kagami has no idea what. “I, uh… aren’t you and Adrien, you know, a thing?”

Kagami snorts, throwing off Lila’s arm. “Yes,” she snaps. “We are, as you put it, ‘a thing.’ Which you are not part of.”

Lila backs up, her hands raised. “Chill, Tsurugi!” she says. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

She knows she’s supposed to be scowling, snarling, here. But she doesn’t have the energy to be expressive here, Lila doesn’t deserve her energy, so her face remains impassive. “You and I are not, and have never been, friends.”

Lila makes an expression that’s half-smirk, half-grimace. “Course not,” she says, rolling her shoulders. “But you know how she is about him.” Her mouth slithers into a snide grin. “How long until they’ve gone from cuddling to kissing?”

Kagami narrows her eyebrows, confused. They’re already kissing? She’s put a lot of work into making sure they kiss? She is very lost; she doesn’t understand why Lila is telling her this.

Then her mother’s car pulls up. For the first time she can remember, the sight of that car fills Kagami with relief. The first time her mother has rescued her, instead of being the person she needed to be rescued from.

Kagami doesn’t even acknowledge Lila as she walks away, but that doesn’t stop Lila from calling after her. “Keep an eye on Marinette!” she cries. “I’m doing you a favor!”

Kagami says nothing as she climbs into the car, until her mother turns to her. “Hello, Musume,” she says.

“Okaasan,” Kagami responds, without inflection.

*

Kagami is busy conjugating Latin verbs alone in her bedroom that evening when her phone makes a familiar buzz from inside her blazer pocket. There are very few people who would be messaging her this late in the evening, so she has a moment of confusion before she reaches into the pocket and sees that she has a text from Marinette.

> **Marinette:** I can’t do this

Kagami’s ribs crash in on her chest. Oh, Kami. Is Marinette breaking up with her? Is she going to demand Kagami break up with Adrien? She’s not sure she can handle either of those.

> **Kagami:** Can’t do what?
> 
> **Marinette:** he deserves to know about Chat Blanc
> 
> **Marinette:** but i have no idea how I’m supposed to tell him
> 
> **Marinette:** what if he hates me for keeping it from him?

Kagami’s breath releases in a sigh of guilty relief—relief that this isn’t about her, that this isn’t hurting her, but guilt that she’s feeling happy over something that is causing her girlfriend such distress. She purses her lips, leaning back in her chair, and types.

> **Kagami:** have you seen the way he looks at you?
> 
> **Kagami:** you could punch him in the face and he would thank you
> 
> **Marinette:** why would I punch him in the face?
> 
> **Kagami:** I don’t know
> 
> **Kagami:** It’s an expression

There’s a moment where Marinette says nothing, and Kagami worries that she’s offended her somehow. She’s never quite known how to interact with people her own age, never quite known how not to say things that make people hate her, and it’s only gotten worse since she moved to a country with an entirely different culture. Her breath begins to speed up—did she say something wrong?

Then her phone buzzes, and her heart flips in her chest as she reads the message.

> **Marinette:** this would be so much easier with you here

A single tear wicks into the corner of Kagami’s eye as she realizes that no, she hasn’t pushed away Marinette, not yet. That she is  _ wanted _ . That the most incredible human being she has ever met feels the same way about her.

> **Kagami:** I can sneak out if you need me
> 
> _ Marinette is typing… _
> 
> **Marinette:** you are the best girlfriend ever

This time, the tear actually does start to run down her face.

*

Ladybug is mid-panic attack when she shows up at Kagami’s house with the Dragon Miraculous, so Ryuuko tucks her protectively against her chest in a bridal carry and borrows the yo-yo, swinging the both of them across Paris to the spot Ladybug indicated was where her patrol with Chat Noir was supposed to begin. Ryuuko can’t help how her face matches both of their suits as Ladybug snuggles her face into Ryuuko’s shoulder, driving her heart rate up, up,  _ up _ as she realizes, well and truly, that strong and clever Ladybug is also sweet and cute Marinette and she  _ cannot deal. _

She’s actually relieved when she sees the shining black of Chat Noir’s suit. She touches down as gently as she can—which, given how unpracticed she is with the yo-yo and the lopsided weight in her arms, is more than a little ungraceful.

“Evening, My Lad—” Chat begins, turning, a grin spreading across his face—then morphing to confusion as he realizes there’s one more person than he expected. “—ies?”

“Hello, Chat,” Ryuuko says, gently unhooking Ladybug’s arms from around her shoulder and placing her on her feet. “She… Erm…”

“I had a panic attack,” Ladybug says, nudging Ryuuko’s shoulder. “This is my emotional support dragon.”

Chat’s brows knit under his mask. “Why didn’t you call me?”

Ladybug’s face freezes, and Ryuuko can see how Chat’s comment—innocent as it was—bites. She quickly steps forward. “Because she needed the courage to share what she wanted to with you,” she says, squeezing Ladybug’s hand.

Chat blinks, all the hurt on his face clearing into understanding. “This is about today,” he says, his jaw set. “If you—” His voice breaks. “If you think we need to—to break up, I’ll… I’ll understand.”

Ryuuko blinks, glances at Ladybug, sees the look of horror dawning on her face.

“Adrien—Kitty, no,” she says. “No, why would—”

“I’ve always followed your lead,” he says, his eyes casting downward. “And if you think it’s—it’s safer, if we don’t—”

“Oh, no,” Ryuuko interrupts, stalking forward and snatching his bell in her fingers, yanking his eyes down to her level. “You are  _ not _ throwing away all the work I put into this, you stupid cat.”

“The three of us against the world,” Ladybug says, softly. “I promise, Chaton.”

Chat looks at her, then at Ryuuko, his eyes shining, and Ryuuko realizes that her eyes are drifting downward, towards his lips. She glances back at Ladybug, apprehensive, questioning.

Ladybug snorts. “I know it’s been bugging you all day,” she mumbles, jogging Ryuuko’s arm. “Just go kiss him already.”

Ryuuko looks at her, blinks. “Are you sure?”

Ladybug raises an eyebrow. “He was your boyfriend first,” she says. "We share equally."

She doesn’t have to tell Ryuuko twice.

Kissing Chat is an entirely different experience from kissing Adrien. Adrien is stiff, reserved, gentle and sweet and restrained—his kisses make her feel included, sure, but… Chat. Chat kisses wilder, rougher, desperate and needy and wanting, little fangs against her lip, making her feel…  _ claimed _ . This time she actually  _ does _ feel sparks jump between her fingers as the warmth of Chat’s lips ravages her calm, pressing against her mouth, her chin, her neck, and she gasps, dragging talons into his hair.

She’s different, too. She could never do this as Kagami—never kiss him so flagrantly, so passionately, with such  _ electricity _ . The mask is freeing, wanting,  _ taking _ , and she and Chat devour each other with abandon.

And she wants more.

She reaches out, snatches Ladybug’s wrist. “Get in here,” she drawls, yanking their girlfriend toward them with a tiny yelp from Ladybug.

*

After they’ve all been thoroughly kissed (and Chat has retrieved Ladybug’s indestructible hair tie, and the electrostatic charge has finally settled out of Ryuuko’s hair), the three of them sit in a circle and Ladybug finally tells her partner about Chat Blanc, her fingers pressed in Ryuuko’s the whole time. Every time she falters, finds herself lost, Ryuuko gives her hand a quick squeeze, reminding her,  _ I’m here. I’m here, and you’re safe. _

“That is… wow,” Chat says, leaning against an air conditioner, pressing his palm to his forehead. “What the hell.”

Ladybug’s face turns away, chastened, and Ryuuko nods. “Indeed,” she says.

“That was… the night you called me over,” he says. “For no reason. And just…” His hand raises, unconsciously, to touch his shoulder. “Rested on me.”

“Mhm,” Ladybug says through pursed lips, with a quick nod and eyes squeezed shut.

“No  _ wonder _ you’ve been so stressed lately,” he says. “What with… Blanc, and Lila, and the Guardian…”

_ The Guardian _ pings in Ryuuko’s attention momentarily as another secret she’ll have to ask them about, but for the moment, she’s just been reminded of something important. “Speaking of Lila,” she says, “she cornered me after school today.”

Ladybug and Chat stiffen simultaneously.

“It didn’t seem serious,” she says, hugging Ladybug’s shoulder. “She just seemed to want to tell me that you two were getting cuddly.” She shrugs. “I didn’t see why that was news, so—”

“Gami,” Chat says, his voice hoarse, “she was trying to imply that I’m cheating on you.”

Ryuuko blinks. “But… you’re not,” she says. “We’re all together.”

“ _ She _ doesn’t know that,” Ladybug snarls. “Oh, that—that—”

“And she can’t be allowed to,” Chat interrupts. “My Lady—My Queen—Lila is spying on me for my father.” Ryuuko barely has a moment to register how casually he’s given her such a possessively reverent nickname before she notices how his cat fangs are digging into his lip, the same way hers do when she’s thinking about… well. “If he finds out I’m dating two people at once…”

“Oh,” Ladybug says. “He’ll never let you out of the house again.”

Chat nods, curtly.

“We should probably not tell my mother either,” Ryuuko says. “I doubt she will approve.”

Both of them look at Ladybug, who nervously wets her lips—then steel passes behind her eyes, and the fire is there again. “I guess my parents are adopting both of you, then.”


End file.
